My Golden Valentine a GD holiday story Plot and concept: Mario Di Giacomo Script and Dialogue: Jason Low "So why are we just standing here?" Britanny asked Stripe as they stood in the back yard of the house. "You'll see," Stripe smiled. "It's a surprise." "Rrr!" Brit playfully growled. "Tell me!" Stripe wasn't about to answer, but just then, a teleporting effect washed over the two of them, startling Brit. For his part, Stripe simply smiled as the world around them faded away. Somewhere else on the planet, in a workshop-slash-residence with no discernible way in or out, another creature also took notice of the activity going on in the Diggers' back yard, thousands of miles away. "Eh?" ex-Kryn priestess Tanya murmured, turning to look at her scrying glass as it came to life. She regarded it for a moment, and then smiled. Tanya said to herself. Tanya refocused her scrying glass and blinked when she saw the results. "Aha, a lover's retreat, then," she smiled. "I simply can't pass up the opportunity, while you two are all off on your own, to.. eh?" She sensed something powerful in the vicinity of the pair, and cast about to find it. She was rewarded several moments later with a view of an ancient- looking temple made of stone. Tanya said to herself as the glass fed her emanations transmitted from the place in view. "Ooooh!" Britanny squealed as she looked around, after the spell had worked its purpose. "Our very own Greek island??" "All to ourselves," Stripe said with a smile, taking hold of his wife's hand. "Not another soul around. And everything will be provided for the lady's comfort." "Hm?" she asked with a smile. He said nothing and let Jazelle's magic do the talking. As requested, the high priestess had sent along some items moments after her 'live passengers': a beach blanket, a picnic basket, and a shade umbrella. "If there is any more, it can be had with but a word," he said. Brit continued to gush and carry on about what a sweet thing Stripe had done, only stopping when the two of them sat down on the beach blanket to start enjoying themselves. Hidden in the foliage on a ridge a short distance away, Tanya poofed into existence with a wisp of smoke. She gestured and four other people arrived in the same fashion, although they were looking around and acting quite surprised and confused. "On your defenses, everyone!" Pee Wee Talon hissed as Daishi snatched him up protectively. "Ionis, figure out where we are and what's--" "Ahem," Tanya said quietly. "Ssh." "I've heard of you," Pee Wee said, eyes narrowing. "That evil sorceress witch that has a grudge against Britanny Diggers." "Shush!" she whispered. She pulled back a few branches so he could see Britanny and Stryyp'Gia cavorting and having fun on the sandy beach, less than a hundred feet away. She faced him again and added, "I'm a smoke-mage, not a sorceress, you prepubescent twit. My name is Tanya, and I have a deal to strike with you." "She brought us here, Lord Talon," Ionis interjected. "With her magic." "Can you get us out of here?" Pee Wee asked Ionis, effectively ignoring Tanya. "That won't be necessary," Tanya cut in. "I need you to do one thing for me, and then you are free to go. Or stay, or do whatever you please." "And what, pray tell, is that?" Pee Wee asked. Tanya turned in another direction--facing away from the beach--and pushed aside a bough to show them the temple. "I can sense a magical artifact within, but it may be protected. You can have anything else you find in the temple.. so long as you bring the artifact to me." "What's the catch?" Zelda queried. "No catch," Tanya said flatly. "I just want that item. And a clear shot at little miss beach bimbo. And just to be sure you'll keep your end of the bargain.." Everyone jumped as, with a puff of smoke, Pee Wee disappeared from Daishi's arms and reappeared in Tanya's. "Let's call your little boss an insurance policy." "Eek!" Pee Wee blurted out, and Daishi stepped forward, but Tanya held up one hand, powering up a spell, and grinned. "Tsk, tsk," she said. "I do so hate violence.. although I'm quite good at it." "Do as she says," Pee Wee commanded. "Maybe that's a burial temple or something I could use. One of you stay here and keep an eye on the Diggerses though." Tanya hugged Pee Wee and turned to face the beach again. "Oh, but that's OUR job, Erwin darling," she said, sitting down in the thick brush. "Mmmmm," Brit said, enjoying herself immensely. "This is just greaaat." "I'm glad you like it," Stripe said, lying beside her and being generally content. "You know what would make it absolutely PERFECT, though?" Stripe smiled again and stood. "Say no more," he said. "I realized it just a moment ago. I know exactly what you mean, and I'll be right back." Britanny watched him teleport away, then leaned back and wriggled her toes in the sand, aaaah'ing again contentedly. Tanya grinned as she watched the events unfold. "Oh, he left her alone!" she whispered to Pee Wee. "This is gonna be perfect!" She looked to her left, then her right, and realized she was alone. "Talon!" she hissed. "Where are you?" After failing to get a response, she growled and turned back to face the beach once more. Inside the temple, Erwin had caught up with his lackeys. "Report," he commanded. "What have you found?" "Nothing so far," Ionis said. "Keep your shirt on." "This place is sick!" Zelda exclaimed. "There's nothing but statues of little kids holding weapons!" She gestured to one, showing a toddler with a miniature bow and arrow. Daishi looked at it and thought for a moment, looking pensive. "All right, I found something," Ionis called out, and the others followed the sound of his voice to a large room. A shaft of sunlight filtered down through a hole in the domed ceiling to illuminate a pedestal in the center of the room, upon which rested a bow and a quiver of arrows, scaled down to child size. "It REEKS of magical energy," Ionis declared. "It has to be what she's looking for." "That's it?" Zelda complained. "That's all?" "Zelda, Ionis," Pee Wee said. "You're with me. Daishi, take it to her. We're going to stay and continue looking." "By your will, Lord Talon," Daishi said, scooping up the artifact and vanishing into the darkness. Tanya looked up with a start as a cloud of smoke appeared beside her. Daishi was present when it dissipated. "I should charge royalties, every time you use that," she nodded to the smoke. "It is not the same," he intoned. "Here." He held out the bow. Tanya looked it over curiously. "Well, it's magical all right, but it's not exactly what I was expecting. Though I guess it'll do." "I do not think--" "Good," Tanya told Daishi. "Means I won't have to listen to you." She fit an arrow into the bow and raised it, aiming towards Britanny. Daishi put a hand on her shoulder. "Lord Talon demands Cheetah remain unharmed," he said urgently. "He wishes to.. examine her some day." Tanya shrugged the hand off her shoulder. "Tough, I was here first." She took aim again and murmured, "Say g'bye, Britanny." As Tanya let go of the bowstring, she blinked and Daishi was instantly standing in front of her. "I cannot allow it!" "No! You fool!" she hissed, but he was already catching the arrow in his hand. He wasn't as fast as he'd hoped, though, and while he had a death grip on the shaft, the arrow itself plunged into his torso. He looked up at her with outrage. Tanya watched with utter confusion as his fierce glare rapidly softened into a much more friendly gaze. "You.. fire your weapon so well," he said softly. "Huh??" Tanya blurted out with arched eyebrows. "And your stance.. it's.. rather alluring," he went on. She took a couple steps away and he stepped forward to close the gap. "We could learn so much from one another," he said. "Please let me stay with you!" "Get away, you lunatic!!" Tanya hollered. She fumbled for another arrow to load the bow with, then decided a better course of action was to simply raise her hand and issue a teleport spell. Daishi vanished in a puff of smoke, having been teleported across the island. Tanya panted to catch her breath, trying to figure out what happened, then shook her head and resolved to work alone on the next thing she did. She stepped back to her firing position and loaded two arrows side- by-side into the bow. Pee Wee was getting more and more infuriated with each passing moment. He watched his two subordinates searching the temple inch by inch with no luck. "Perform a light spell," he instructed Ionis. "This is too dark to search in." Ionis thought to himself. He sighed and turned towards the pedestal to set Talon, who was fearful of putting his feet on the floor. "Stay put." Ionis wasn't turned all the way around when Pee Wee started hollering and shouting. Ionis looked around again and the pedestal and his master were shimmering as if bathed in some unseen light source. "WHAT IS GOING ON?!" Pee Wee hollered, and Zelda turned and stared wide-eyed as well. In a flash, Talon had shrunk to about half his size, and his clothes had been replaced with nothing but a large red sash and a cloth diaper. His hair had lightened to a shade of blonde that almost gave off its own illumination, and was curly to boot. "You nimrod!" Zelda berated Ionis. "What did you do??" "It wasn't me!" he shot back. "I didn't do anything!" Pee Wee looked down at his changed state and exclaimed again, "What is happening?!" He sighed. "Never mind. I don't want to hear any more excuses. Just get me back outside to that woman so I can get my bow back." "YOUR bow?" Zelda blurted out. "YES, my bow! Now move!" Talon shouted. Ionis cringed and teleported them out into the forest before Talon got any angrier. A shimmer of light appeared just to Britanny's right, and Tanya swore under her breath. She watched Stripe appear and walk over to a grinning Britanny. "Oh, you found them!" Stripe smiled back, holding up a line with a half-dozen fish on it. "It wasn't easy," he said. "Gina had hidden them in her section of the freezer." Brit decided. "That little devil," she said. "Gotta remember to, hm, wedgie her or something when we get home." Stripe put the fish down. "Give me a moment to find some sticks with which to make a fire, and..?" He trailed off as Britanny lifted her head and looked past him. He turned to look at whatever she'd spotted. "Curse them both!" Tanya muttered, watching the two turn and all but look directly at her. Then she realized they were looking past her, as she sensed a teleportation portal opening beside her. She spun around-- --and a high-pitched shrieking accompanied the teleportation of three people into the area beside her. Two of Talon's goons appeared, and then Talon arrived, but four feet off the ground, clad in some bizarre garment. He fell screaming to the forest floor. Zelda saw the bow aimed at her and instinctively rushed Tanya. Tanya responded by letting out a yelp and launching the arrows; by a total fluke, one each struck Ionis and Zelda before they could react. "Give me back my bow, you mean woman!" Pee Wee pouted at Tanya. "It's not meant for that purpose!" To everyone's surprise, except Pee Wee, the two people on the ground got up and locked eyes with one another. Their expressions were bewildering as they spoke. "Jason.." "Zelda.." The two embraced rather passionately as everyone else stares. "Shut up!" Tanya said to Pee Wee as she tried to load another bolt. "Or you're next!" Britanny blinked, trying to process everything she was seeing; then, shaking her head quickly, she said to Stripe, "You get Tanya. I'll take care of the runt." "Right," he nodded, and was off. As the two got into motion, there was a burst of smoke and light. Brit, with her speed, still caught up to Talon and snatched him up, but thought perhaps Tanya had gated away. Instead, she turned and saw Daishi appearing before Tanya, arms spread wide and his eyes filled with joy. "I have returned, my love!" he shouted triumphantly. "AACK!" Tanya screeched, dropping the bow and fleeing, just out of Stripe's reach. "Don't fear, love!" Daishi called out, giving chase. "I'll follow you to the ends of the earth!" Stripe stopped at the spot where Tanya dropped the bow. Picking it up, he said, "Is this what I think it is?" "Yes!" Pee Wee snapped. He came over and snatched it away. "It is my bow with which I spread the word.. of love! Now give it here before it gets broken!" "Are you feeling all right, Erwin?" Stripe said, arching an eyebrow. "No! My work is not done! I must track down the furry woman and make her see what Daishi sees! She must listen to her heart as well." He turned and ran off after the other two. Stripe was turning to follow Pee Wee when Britanny grabbed his wrist. "Hey," she said. "We don't need him or anyone else shootin' arrows into us. I already have my own love god.. right, snugglebunny?" Stripe smiled and shifted so Britanny was gripping his hand instead of his wrist. "Whatever you say, dearest," he told her as they walked past Zelda and Ionis and back out to the beach. END