Project HEARD presents a GD Quickie: TICKET TO RIDE Stripe was puttering around the house as he usually did on Wednesday afternoons. Gina was off at the museum going over the new arrivals, and Brianna was at the gym, also going over the new arrivals. Britanny was off doing errands, which left the house virtually vacant. Being that he wasn't busy with anything else, he usually cleaned house on Wednesdays. After he finished dusting, he turned to get the vacuum cleaner, but it wasn't in the hall closet--as usual. he mused, and turned to the stairs to the basement. As he opened the door, though, his eyes widened and he involuntarily froze for a split second. He didn't even have enough time to flinch or go "GUAH!" as a black and yellow and white blur lunged from the stairwell and bodily tackled him. "MUuuUUUFFINNNNnn!!" Cheetah gushed, after they finished somersaulting over and over together and landed against the wall, her kneeling astride him, wagging her tail furiously and grinning. "I'm home!!" "I noticed," Stripe squeaked out from underneath her, managing a weak smile. "Hello, love." "And what've YOU been doing all day by your lonesome?" she asked. "Oh, this and that," he wheezed. "You haven't seen the vac.." "Now why would you want to find a thing like that?" she purred, leaning down close to him. "Forget about all that stuff and worry about what's right in front of you.." "I don't mean to be a pest, love, but suffocation's right in front of me if I mmpfhg--" Stripe was cut off as Cheetah leaned down and kissed him. "You were saying?" she grinned as she sat up again. "Gurh," he responded. He had to offer up a smile. "That may have been well worth it." She grinned again and rolled back off of him, taking his hand and hauling him to his feet. "Now that I'm home, let's go start the whirlpool and have some fun--" "What's all this?" Stripe said, looking around as he was pulled to his feet. Envelopes were scattered all around them. "Huh? Oh, the mail.. it must have fallen out of my pocket when I greeted you," Brit giggled. She went about quickly picking it up. "I'll help," he suggested, bending over. "NO! I mean, no, I've got it--" she began, but cut herself short as she saw him pick up a particular envelope, already torn open. "Georgia State Patrol?" he read aloud. "What is this? It's to you.." "Oh nothing!" she smiled nervously. "I'll, uh, take that.." By that time, he was already extracting the paper from within. She urged, "It's someone's idea of a joke, really, nothing to worry--" Stripe read it over and then looked at her, raising an eyebrow. "It's not a joke, Britanny," he said. "This is authentic." "Oh, come on!" she countrered. "Who in their right mind would go ahead with a photo radar ticket--" "For three hundred and seventy three miles per hour in a 65 miles per hour zone.." Stripe read, blinking and reading it again. He slid a glossy print out of the package and stared at it for a second, a blurry image of his wife from behind. He paused, then looked to her. "It's crazy!" she protested. "Someone's pullin' my leg. No one would be stupid enough to try'n ticket someone on FOOT--" "I daresay no one else can break the posted speed on foot," Stripe pointed out. His eyes rested on the fine payable portion. "Oh my. One thousand and sixty two dollars?" "I'm not paying it!" Brit protested. "Are you sure you want to take that path--" Stripe began, but was cut off. "You betcha!" Brit said, folding her arms across her chest. "Then I suppose we have no other choice," Stripe said. "Than what?" Brit asked. Stripe leaned towards the phone. "To arrange for a lawyer." "What??" Cheetah exploded. "Muffin, sweetums, I am NOT going to court over this!" "It's either that or pay the--hello," Stripe said, as the person on the other end picked up. "Mrs. Diggers, do you happen to have the name of the lawyer that Dr. Di--" "NO!" Brit shouted, lunging for Stripe and knocking him clear of the telephone, which dropped neatly into its cradle. "Urf!!" he gasped, sent tumbling by the tackle. He gurgled out, "Dear! We have to call someone!" "NOT my dad!" Brit said. "I DON'T want him knowing!" "Then whom do you propose?" Stripe said with a wheeze. Brit sat up finally, pondering. "I think I remember seeing a place in my travels.." THIRTY MINUTES LATER ATLANTA VILLAGE MALL Stripe looked up at the sign. He read it aloud with skepticism: "Trafficlaw.Com. Traffic and personal injury lawyers." He looked to his wife with an upraised eyebrow. "Perfect!" she said, and led him inside. Within ninety short minutes, they were sitting with a Customer Service representative. "So if I have this right," he said, "you were jogging along, minding your own business, when without warning or consideration, the traffic enforcement officer snapped a photo of you and charged you with speeding?" "That's about the size of it," Brit nodded. "Sounds pretty plain to me," the man said with a smile. "You weren't driving a car, and you probably had to step out into the street only because the police car was parked across the sidewalk, in your way, right?" "Actually, I always run on the street so I don't mow down people on the sidewa--" "We can go over your story later," he smiled and nodded, pushing some papers over the table to her. "Just sign here and here, and initial here, and then we can prepare for your court date." "All right," Britanny said, smiling and taking the pen. As she signed, she asided to Stripe, "See?" "Let me give my answer after I've seen more," he suggested. COURT DAY Britanny and Stripe sat together, hand-in-hand, at the defendant's table in traffic court. The prosecuting attorney was already there, and so was the judge. Several people littered the gallery, not there specifically to see Britanny's case, but just because they had business later on, or for some other reason. The judge looked over her glasses at Britanny. "Are you SURE you aren't representing yourself?" Brit looked at the door and then back at the judge again. "I'm sure he'll be her shortly, your honor," she said, managing a nervous smile. She fidgeted, feeling tiny and uncomfortable--it'd been the lawyer's suggestion that she adopt her human form for the trial. "If he is not here by fifteen after, I'll have no choice but to order the proceedings continue without him--" The judge was interrupted as a suited man hurriedly burst through the tall oak doors and rushed towards Britanny's table. "Sorry I'm late," he hissed to the werecat as he sat down. "Did I miss much?" "Well, what a pleasure to see you again, counsel," the judge said with a hint of a smile. "Ready to give it another try, I gather. Let's see if we can stay out of contempt this time around." The lawyer looked up and paled visibly as he finally recognized the judge. They exchanged glances for a moment until the judge said, "You're usually a man of so many words, counsel. Is everything all right?" "Y.. yes, your honor," he said, smiling nervously, and sat down, tugging at his shirt collar. "Quite." The trial continued without interruption for a short while. The prosecutor outlined the case plainly for the judge, and then the lawmaker gazed down at Britanny's lawyer. "When you're ready, counsel." "Umm," he said. He made a show of fiddling with some papers on the table, as if searching for something. "I appear to have left my opening statements in my car, your honor, if I may be excused to retrieve them..." She looked down over her eyeglasses again. "Opening statements? In a traffic-ticket trial? Just argue the case," she suggested. "Your honor, all my arguments are based on what I've written down," he stammered. "I won't be a moment." "Very well," she sighed. "We'll recess for ten minutes so counsel may go get his notes from his locker." Brit watched the lawyer hurriedly leave by the door he'd come from. Stripe squeezed her hand and whispered, "It'll be okay." Ten minutes came and went, and Brit started looking around nervously. The judge was writing on her pad of paper and glancing at the clock, then the bailiff. The guard walked to the window and peered out past the blinds. "There's no-one in the parking lot, your honor." "Well," the judge said, looking at Britanny, "it would appear that in law, one shouldn't go with the lowest bidder. I will grant you until Thursday to arrange for--" "With all due respect, your honor," Stripe said, standing up, "My wife and I will act in her own defense, and we are ready now." "We are?" Brit blinked. "You are?" the judge said, looking surprised. "So be it." She scribbled one more note, and then put down her pen. "You may begin at your leisure." Stripe squeezed Brit's hand one more time and then said, "Your honor, my wife is not a lawbreaker or a criminal. I'm sure you have heard that a thousand times before, but one look at her public record will tell you that she always acts with the best interests of the general public in mind." "Even angels fall to earth sometimes, Mr. Gia," the judge cut in. "Yes, they do," Stripe conceded. "But as you said just a moment ago, this is just a case of a traffic ticket. And I'll be honest with you, if the case is a simple matter of whether or not my wife traveled at the speed she's accused of traveling, then there's no denying it. She was indeed running in excess of 300 miles an hour." Brit let her head thunk to the table. "An interesting argument," the judge said, looking amused. "But, your honor, I submit to you that this case is not about that." "It's not?" she said with mock surprise. "Please enlighten the court as to what it should be trying here today, then." "The question of whether or not pedestrians are covered under the Georgia Traffic Code." The judge nodded after a short pause. "Go on," she said. Britanny looked up. "Your honor," Stripe continued, "as you know, we haven't any prepared documents, so if I may ask the prosecuting counsel if he has a copy of the traffic code I may borrow?" The attorney stared blankly at Stripe, then the judge, who nodded. He dug in his briefcase for a moment, and then passed a thick folder to the bailiff, who in turn ferried it over to Stripe. "Thank you," Stripe said, and opened it up, starting to look through it. He looked up again. "If it pleases the court, may I take a moment.." "By all means," the judge said, somewhat exasperatedly. Stripe read and hmm'ed. Brit leaned over and whispered, "What are you doing?" He just patted her hand again and read a bit further. Finally he spoke. "Britanny, are you licensed as a motor vehicle?" "Huh?" she said. "Does it LOOK like I got a license plate strapped across my butt?!" Everyone had to pause while the court clerk stopped snickering and could take notes again. Stripe pressed on, looking down at the page before him: "So, if you are traveling on a street, highway, alley, boulevard, or other roadway as designated in this Code, and you are on foot, would you consider yourself a pedestrian?" "Well, I'm not a truck driver," Brit answered, unable to help herself. "Do you like running?" "It keeps me fit," Brit said after a moment. "Your nature as a werecheetah requires you to take some extraordinary measures to stay fit and healthy, like running fast, am I correct?" "Yuh-huh," she nodded. "Why do you run on the road? As opposed to the sidewalk where most other joggers would go." Brit snorted a little. "You know I need a lot of room to maneuver at that speed. If I went up on the sidewalk I'd probably flatten some poor kid on a tricycle." Stripe looked to the judge. "If I may approach," he said, and upon receiving a nod, he stepped forward and folded the Code open to a specific section, which he pointed to and read aloud: "Your honor, the Code specifies with regards to speed traveled on highways, that no one 'may cause a motor vehicle, bicycle, moped, or other vehicle as defined in subsection 2(a)(ii) to exceed the maximum posted speed' on a roadway. And if you care to flip back to the referenced subsection you'll find that the definition of a vehicle does NOT include a pedestrian. In fact, to be honest, if you peruse the Code, I believe the only thing my wife could be charged with legally is jay-walking, although with all due respect, it would be irresponsible to punish her for avoiding the sidewalks, when she's already said in this court that she chose the road to run on so that she wouldn't endanger anyone on the sidewalk." The judge, having listened to the whole exchange in stony silence, just read the sections as Stripe suggested, then glanced over at the prosecutor, who threw his hands in the air and shook his head. "Counsel, Mr. Gia is correct," the judge said. "There's no precedence for charging her with exceeding the posted speed. Would you like to press charges of jaywalking, taking into consideration what was said about that charge as well, which the court tends to agree with?" The prosecutor shook his head again and murmured a 'no, your honor' and started packing up. Brit blinked and sat there stunned for a moment, until she realized Stryyp'Gia had successfully argued for her on the spur of the moment with no preparation at all. She leapt up and hugged him, squealing a little, getting an 'oof!' and an embrace in return, until the judge said, "Then I declare this case dismissed. Mrs. Gia.." Brit turned to give her attention to the judge. "Yes, your honor?" "Keeping fit is an admirable goal, but let this be a warning to you. Make sure that your style of running doesn't endanger another soul." "I will!" she nodded and grinned, and then they all headed out. Brit blinked in surprise as the hallway outside the courtroom was filled with cameras and media types. Everyone seemed to want a moment of her time, an interview, a sound bite. "News travels fast, I suppose," Stripe whispered to her. She was still grinning from having triumped, and nodded to him. She said, "One at a time! One at a time please." As she began to grant interview requests and answer questions, Stripe leaned over again and said, "So much for your father not knowing." A tiny sweatdrop formed on Brit's temple. "Eheh." THE END